So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
