I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
