i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
