for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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