She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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