Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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