I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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