Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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