last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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