there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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