she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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