blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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