we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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