I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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