honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
