I'm jealous of your bromance
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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