I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
