her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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