dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
