you guys were way drunker than both of me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
