but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
