is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
