she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
