im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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