I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
