we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
