i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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