But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
