I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
