You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
did i just pee glitter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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