I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
