I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
