You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
