Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
