Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
