A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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