A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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