can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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