I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
