grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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