My hand turned me down
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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