Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
