I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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