and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
