i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
