she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
