It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
