I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
