3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
