I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
