I think my vagina is haunted
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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